awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
