Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
