what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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