Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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