I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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