guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
