I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I touched a dick in church today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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