would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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