I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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