That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
