11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize