Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
