You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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