I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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