I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So here I am, sexting at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
