Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
