Swine flu. Run for my life!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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