Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
