I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
