PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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