so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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