One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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