I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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