is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
