Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
