you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize