i was born a porn star she said
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
