If i come over, it means nothing
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
