who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
time to smoke my breakfast
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
