dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
