the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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