You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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