we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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