Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
