Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
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I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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