I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
