He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
