I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
