wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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