Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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