so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
