Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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