I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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