my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
