I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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