Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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