Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.

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  (518): I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved. http://tfl.nu/p0e0
  Replies (11) Good night (2305) Bad night (1142)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.

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  (917): I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake. http://tfl.nu/yic9
  Replies (24) Good night (1613) Bad night (2877)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

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  (613): I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable. http://tfl.nu/pwwk
  Replies (15) Good night (2406) Bad night (1209)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.

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  (601): It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face. http://tfl.nu/wypl
  Replies (9) Good night (3274) Bad night (853)
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  (415): View more from California

  Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.

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  (415): Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited. http://tfl.nu/jdnb
  Replies (24) Good night (5505) Bad night (1162)
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1704) Bad night (662)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

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  (337): I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun http://tfl.nu/exga
  Replies (0) Good night (1239) Bad night (716)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.

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  (250): WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME. http://tfl.nu/12ba
  Replies (7) Good night (673) Bad night (1472)
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  (619): View more from California

  The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it

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  (619): The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it http://tfl.nu/3uov
  Replies (8) Good night (1323) Bad night (484)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.

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  (954): We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens. http://tfl.nu/nlwp
  Replies (5) Good night (1064) Bad night (499)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on

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  (905): So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on http://tfl.nu/azx1
  Replies (2) Good night (390) Bad night (1073)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.

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  (630): His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up. http://tfl.nu/1y0y
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (434)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.

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  (337): Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again. http://tfl.nu/azre
  Replies (2) Good night (786) Bad night (546)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like

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  (432): Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like http://tfl.nu/z3sn
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (361)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon

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  (480): The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon http://tfl.nu/h5eu
  Replies (0) Good night (320) Bad night (565)

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