And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.