u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?