my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.