I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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