forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."