I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?