I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
