Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..

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  (413): Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative.. http://tfl.nu/iby4
  Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (1782)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
  Replies (33) Good night (704) Bad night (3685)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i love accidental penises.

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  (414): i love accidental penises. http://tfl.nu/xi6f
  Replies (16) Good night (3022) Bad night (1085)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.

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  (513): i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot. http://tfl.nu/7qf7
  Replies (30) Good night (3806) Bad night (2858)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (5154) Bad night (799)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

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  (512): its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video http://tfl.nu/p3je
  Replies (14) Good night (6884) Bad night (991)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

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  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (5070) Bad night (961)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.

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  (401): Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight. http://tfl.nu/rdc4
  Replies (6) Good night (4832) Bad night (814)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4622) Bad night (1631)
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  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

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  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3770) Bad night (721)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight

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  (717): I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight http://tfl.nu/6mb9
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (352)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me

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  (218): Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me http://tfl.nu/p7wy
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (257)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out

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  (513): you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out http://tfl.nu/zkkx
  Replies (7) Good night (403) Bad night (927)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag

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  (702): This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag http://tfl.nu/ygs4
  Replies (4) Good night (571) Bad night (265)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...

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  (303): Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching... http://tfl.nu/8tua
  Replies (4) Good night (373) Bad night (634)

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