Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone

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  (949): Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone http://tfl.nu/p93a
  Replies (11) Good night (2554) Bad night (525)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

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  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2382) Bad night (696)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

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  (717): Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/i7zp
  Replies (5) Good night (2248) Bad night (785)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.

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  (573): I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him. http://tfl.nu/m4j0
  Replies (3) Good night (1875) Bad night (1302)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon

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  (713): She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon http://tfl.nu/tsuo
  Replies (3) Good night (1521) Bad night (681)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.

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  (216): There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us. http://tfl.nu/2y42
  Replies (4) Good night (1664) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (398)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.

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  (501): I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary. http://tfl.nu/ro1x
  Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (728)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

  (845): View more from New York

  I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

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  (845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb
  Replies (7) Good night (1823) Bad night (309)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised

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  (719): I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised http://tfl.nu/0hc3
  Replies (2) Good night (672) Bad night (257)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?

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  (612): At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game? http://tfl.nu/97sa
  Replies (4) Good night (1048) Bad night (200)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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  (508): Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie http://tfl.nu/abbt
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.

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  (859): This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her. http://tfl.nu/8e8b
  Replies (6) Good night (478) Bad night (249)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.

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  (519): My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit. http://tfl.nu/1j6h
  Replies (0) Good night (141) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (143)

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