she woke up with a sticky ear
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
