She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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