Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
