dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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