she looked like the before picture.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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