After last night, I could never be a politician.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
