I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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