so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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