Me too!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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