if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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