Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
