my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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