Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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