It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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