Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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