It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
