So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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