I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
