like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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