If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
