Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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