the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am one with the molecules
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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