he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
