sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
