I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
