Cold hands, warm shart.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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