The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
