i wish my penis had a tongue
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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