So drunk its hurt
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
